AC MILAN TALK AND WHAT IT ACTUALLY MEANS

10-I was looking to buy it but I will pull a Galliani
meaning: I will wait to see if i can get it for free

9-Don't be an AC Milan centerback!
Meaning: don't just stand there and do nothing!

8-Now I know what Balotelli feels like
Meaning: Apparently my ex-gf is pregnant and she's saying the kid is mine

7-Damn it - i just pulled an Abbiati
Meaning: I just had it in my hands and I let it slip.

6-You look like Allegri in that pic
Meaning: you forgot to smile :)

5-Now I know what Pato went through at Milan
Meaning: I keep getting injured on the job

4-She looked like Barbara Berlusconi
MEANING: she's fat and ugly

3-let's party like Silvio Berlusconi
MEANING: let's visit a bordello tonight

2-I went out with her last night hoping to be Balotelly but instead i was Matri
MENAING: I never scored with her last night

1-The poor guy was raising money for AC Milan's next transfer
MEANING: the poor guy was begging for spare change

Songs Dedicated to Serie A Players

Gennaro Gattuso - Da Boss would like to see you - Snoop Dogg
Inter's Adriano - what happened to you - the Offspring
Silvio Berlusconi - 20 dollars to my name - Snoop Dogg
Adriano Galliani - Brother, Can You Spare A Dime - Bing Crosby
Delio Rossi - Smack my bitch up - Prodigy
Zeman - Still Smokin' - Mystikal
Milito - Y'all Gone Miss Me - Snoop
Vicenzo Iaquinta - why don't you get a job - The offspring
bentner - Hold On We're Going Home - Drake
Massimiliano Allegri - Wake me up when September ends - Green
Day
AC MIlan's Transfer Policy - "Dividing by Zero" - the Offspring
Paul Pogba - "You're Gonna Go Far, Kid" - The offspring
Eugenio Corini - Long way to go - Cassie
Rafael BeniteZ - "fat boy" - Max-a-million
Robinho - "i'm not a player" - Big Pun
Tevez - Fire it up - Busta Rhymes
Erick Thohir - Respect my Conglomerate - busta Rhymes
Mauro Tassoti - Put your hands where my eyes could see - Busta
Rhymes
Giovinco - I wish - Skee-lo
Marco Boriello - Batty Rider - buju Bantan
Balotelli - "Oops!... I Did It Again" - britney Speers
 - Bad man nuh flee - Beenie Man
Vladomir Petkovic - Ready for Whatever - T.I.
Simplicio - i like big butts - Sir Mix-a-lot
Gonzalo Higuain - Don't Cry for Me Argentina - Madonna
Zarate - I Don't Ever Want to See You Again - uncle Sam
Honorable Mentions
Rob Ford - 10 crack commandments - Notorious BIG
Eric Lindros - It's All Coming Back to Me Now - celine Dion

10 more reasons why AC Milan Sucks

10-Galliani entertained reporters about AC Milan's vision for
the future and a reporter asked "what is your goal for the
future?" And Galliani replied "We want to win no matter the
cost" and Berlusconi wispered in Galliani's ear and told the
reporters" Sorry, But I must retract my last statement. we want
to win and reduce costs at the same time "

9-When Balotelli was informed about the criticism from former AC
MIlan player Zvonimir Boban he replied " I heard about this
player before. when i was a kid my coach once told me " if you
are going to shoot make sure you put the ball on net and don't
pull a Boban" I always thought that the coach meant don't shoot
it above the crossbar but maybe he meant don't bitch like a baby
if we don't win "

8-A reporter asked Barbara Berlusconi about the Dutch Influence
on AC Milan and She replied "are you talking about my dad's
transfer budget again ? " and the reporter replied "" actually I
was referring to the great Dutch players such as Van Basten,
Gullit, Rijkaard....." and she replied "nobody is more Dutch and
more influential to this team than my daddy"

7-Galliani let it slip to the media that "I cried when I sold
Kaka” and a reporter asked "what did Berlusconi do when Kaka was
sold?" he replied " he cried too but for different reasons. I
cried because i was sad to see him go. Silvio cried because he
was sad to see all that money go to pay off debt"

6-After Berlusconi convinced his daughter and Galliani to co-
exist, Barbara went over to Galliani and said "don't expect me
to wear a skirt to work because i wear the pants in this office"
and he replied "well that's good because if you wore both at the
same time Allegri would be doing his job naked right now"

5-After Balotelli posted the following sarcastic comment on twitter after accusing a player of racial slurs in the Catania game “Hahaha! Fortunately, there is justice in this country,” and Galliani was furious and immediately went up to Balotelli and said " Don't ever make comments like that because it could cost me my Job!" and Balotelli replied " how is that possible?" and Galliani replied " let me explain. saying stuff like that puts pressure on the italian Government to arrest Silvio for the sex scandal. If He gets arrested then Barbara takes over the team. If She takes over the team i'm out of a job and who is going to hire an old man like me ?" and Balotelli hugged him and replied "Don't worry about it. if you get fired just try out for the squad - you're available on free transfer, we are always looking for centerbacks with communication skills like yours and
besides, your fitness is better than half the team anyways!"

4-Former Milan midfielder Gennaro Gattuso was quoted as saying
“I don’t want to say this, but I really can’t see women in
football” and Galliani replied " I wish that Concept were to be
applied here at Milanello. Silvio is more focused on his job when he is not
chasing tail" and Tassoti said "that's why barbara will always
be allowed to work in soccer - she doesn't fall in that female
category. Her balls are bigger than her dads" 

3-Barbara Berlusconi lashed out at Galliani for his wasteful
summer spending as saying "How could you spend 11 million euros
on Matri ? Don't you know we need young players and i have not had the star that I have been looking for since Pato arrived" and Galliani replied " i have an idea that saves money and keeps you happy. i'll cancel the under-17 team's excursion to Disneyland and then send them 1 by 1 to your office. Who needs to spend money on that trip if each one can get a free ride right here at Headquarters ?"

2-The legendary Catania team of 83-84 which only won 1 game
against 2nd last place Pisa and finished with 12 points watched
the Milan-Catania game and all of the former players started
warming up when catania was losing and the staff asked them "
what are you guys doing?" and the former players replied "we are
warming up to play in place of this squad - even us at our age can score on that goalie Gabriel and outrun Bonera and Silvestre in the box" and they approached an old man chain smoking and they asked him "what do you think you are doing?" and the old man replied "this replacement squad is going to be coached by Zeman"

1-Berlusconi was quoted after the Livorno game as saying “The
team needs my help.” and a heckler replied "and it only took you
3 years to realize this?? if you just paid off your tab with the refs we would have won this game" 

10 More reasons why I love Serie A Soccer

10-Berlusconi was brainstorming with Galliani Idea about improving their defense by adding a new Centerback to play with Rami and he says to Galliani "Nesta is going to retire next year. why don't you call his agent to see if he will play another season for us" and Galliani replied "he's going to retire and you want him to play an extra year ? he old and washed up! no General Manager in their right mind would ever make such a stupid decision to re-sign dead wood" and Berlusconi replied " Didn't you extended Bonera's contract by an extra year ? "

9-A sick kid goes to take a physical and the inter fan of a physician requests a stool sample and says " I need you to take a Milan and bring it back to me in this cup" and the kid replies " Which centerback position on that field outside should i squat onto ? "

8-Berlusconi expressed his admiration for Kaka by saying during the warmup of their champion's league game against Barcelona by saying "May this team play like old Kaka" and a little boy in the stands heard this comment and replied "dad, does that mean Ambrosini, Seedorf, gattuso and Inzaghi are coming back?" and the father replied "no, if anything it means Dhorasso, Reizinger, N'Gotty and Javi Moreno may return"

7-A commentator expressed his view on Roma's ability to score goals in the second half by saying "you gotta give credit to Rudi Garcia - if there's one thing the french knows it's how to get men to take the opposition's penetration in the beginning and survive with a smile before giving it hard at the end"

6-Berlusconi's new wife demanded that he put together a garden so he received a quote from the landscaper for manure at a cost of $200.00 euros a ton and he replied "you want me to pay $200.00 euros a ton for horse shit? i own the rights to have my team for less than that" and the Landscaper replied "yes that may be true, but unlike half your team this may actually bear fruit"

5-When Kaka scored his first goal since coming back to Milan he let reporters know what he was thinking and replied 'i went to hug my former teammates and i couldn't find one! then i looked at my team approaching me and said to myself "what the fuck happened to this team in the 6 years i left? I played soccer in a park in Rio De Janeiro with better teams than this one"

4-Amauri called the police because his jersey collection was stolen and the officer taking the report asked him " was there a recently new jersey taken?" and Amauri replied "the jersey i scored my last goal in serie a was taken" and the officer replies "i'll take that as a "NO" please continue" and he replies " The jersey that I scored my most important goal for Juventus was taken" and the police officer wrote the following "an official game-worn Fiorentina jersey worn against AC Milan in 2011 was also stolen"

3-After the Inter Atalanta Tie they asked Kovacic about his many giveaways and he replied "I seen a bunch of south American players in black and white all saying "pásame el balón" how am I supposed to remember that they were the opposition..... ?? "

2-After Ranocchia scored for Inter this weekend the Inter faithful gave him a standing ovation and the radio commentator stated the following "ladies and gentleman, i have an anouncement to make. This is the first goal by an Italian for inter This season and the stadium is going to cave in" and his partner replied "if an Italian scored for inter this season it must be hell freezing over as we speak" 

1-After the 0-0 Milan-Chievo tie a frustrated Matri was caught with Allegri having this discussion alongside Robinho:

Matri: Damn it, this always happens. I think I'm gonna score, and then I never score. It's not fair. We've traveled, um, a hundred miles 'cause we thought we were gonna score. But now it's not gonna happen. Damn it!

Allegri: Hey, buddy, sit down.

Matri: Shut up, ass-wipe! I'm sick and tired of this! We're never gonna score. It's just not gonna happen! We're just gonna get old like these people... but they've probably scored!

Allegri: Hey, I'm warning you! SIT DOWN!

Beavis: It's, like, this chick's a slut. And look at this guy. He's old, but he's probably scored a million times!

Allegri: [nodding] Oh, yeah.

Beavis: But not us. We're never gonna score! We're never gonna score! We're never gonna score!

10 things more likely to happen in Italian soccer than Lazio winning the scudetto

10-Zeman showing up to work without his cigarettes and lighter in his pocket
9-Giovinco scoring a header off a free kick in a champion's league game.
8-Balotelli naming his first son "Adolf"
7-Berlusconi cheating on his wife with an older woman
6-Abbiati breaking the record for longest consecutive run without conceding a goal in Serie A with Silvestre and Bonera as starting center backs.
5-an African player being the leading goal scorer for Lazio
4-Moratti getting a haircut before a Derby D'Italia match
3-Inter having an all-italian starting lineup
2-Taking a photo of allegri's smile with his teeth showing
1-AC Milan qualifying for Champion's league on the last day of the season without the referee's assistance

10 reasons why I love Champion's league Soccer

10 reasons why I love Champion's league Soccer

10-After Balotelli scored on a penalty kick for AC Milan he was criticized for not having
his "why always me" t-shirt underneath his jersey because there was a kid in the stands
with a banner ready to answer that question. it said "who else on AC milan can score from
12 yards away from the net ?"

9-Balotelli was cursing at a shot by Nocerino that was saved by Muslera and was heard
saying "f'n bit*h if I had that open chance I would have shot on target and exploded all
over that opening" and Matri went to tell Mario "it was just a opportunity to score that
went bad, not a night out with your ex" and Balotelli replied "in both cases someone is
playing "who's your daddy" at the end of it"

8-Galliani was commented as saying "Champion's league soccer is like a religion to AC
Milan fans" and a fan sarcastically replies "Oh great, does that mean you will be passing
a donation basket during the half time of all Champion's league home games?"

7-Berlusconi says there will be a price increase Effective January 1st for all Champion's
league games and the fans revolted against his decision saying it's too much money. When
asked why his reply was " my spousal support gets adjusted for inflation next year so
someone has to pay for it! "

6-After Napoli's loss to Arsenal Napoli President De Laurentis called Benitez to his
office where Benitez requested to make funds available for defensive reinforcements and
De Laurentis' reply was "I'm not giving you a f'n Euro until you can show me what the
team at your disposal is capable of" and Benitez replied "you're starting to sound like
Massimo Moratti you know..."

5-Allegri had a chat with his teammates after going gown 1-0 against ajax and it went
like this:

ALLEGRI: Our only hope for winning is shooting from inside the box.  Montolivo, you pass
to Robinho. 

MONTOLIVO: O.k., Pass to Robinho, then what? 

ROBINHO: Do I Shoot for the goal ? 

ALLEGRI Very funny. that's 10 laps, chowderhead. Now what's the right answer? 

TEAM: Pass it to Mario. 

ALLEGRI: All right. let's do it. 

4-former Juve player Giancarlo Marocchi commented on Galatasaray's second goal as saying
“Isla’s error was unacceptable,” and Conte's reply was "I should have known that if Marco
Branca wanted to buy him that he was garbage..."

3-Tevez was asked "how would you feel about not playing Champion's league soccer for AC
Milan?" and Tevez replied "when i talked with Galliani last year they said that nobody on
the team will earn more than Mexes so I walked out of this office because i said to
myself "a paperboy in Buenos Aires earns more than Mexes"...... how was I supposed to
know that Mexes earned 4 million per year ?? "

2-Felipe melo was criticized for not going past the center line the entire game against
Juventus and after the game Sneijder went up to him and said "felipe, it's no longer
World Cup 2010 and you're no longer at the airport in Brazil. you can pass through to the
other side" and Melo replied "easy for you to say, in both cases if i cross the line i'm
still a hated man just asking to get killed by the fans....."

1-When Juve was down 1-0 to Galatasaray Andrea Agnielli approached Silvio Berlusconi and
the discussion went like this:

Andrea Agnielli: Don Berlusconi. I need a man who has powerful friends. I need a favour
from you. I need, Don Berlusconi, all of those Referees that you carry around in your
pocket, like so many nickels and dimes.

Silvio Berlusconi: What is the interest for my family?

Andrea Agnielli: I will give you money for Spousal support

Silvio Berlusconi: Why come to me? What have I done to deserve such generosity?

10 reason why Juventus Beat AC Milan 3-2

10 reason why Juventus Beat AC Milan 3-2

10-Sebastian Giovinco was asked about his goal against AC Milan over weekend and he
replied "I practised that goal in our training sessions with pilons and seeing the 2
Milan centerbacks on the field is not much different that the pilons in practice"

9-De Jong made a comment to the press and said "i do the dirty work - that’s my role" And
Berlusconi's female secretary replied " so that's why he had carpet burns on his knees
the day he signed his contract........ " 

8-The creators of EA Sports simulated the Juve-Milan game on PS3 and the guy that played
with AC Milan lost 3-2 and replied "this isn't realistic. When Milan is down by a goal in
the second half we need to make a code so that when you pass the ball to Balotelli in the
penalty area and you automatically get rewarded a penalty shot"

7-A fan sitting in the front row overheard Allegri taking to Tassoti about tactical
changes when Milan was losing 3-1 and Allegri said to Tassoti "what can we do to improve
the look of this team from the bench?" and the fan took off the paper bag he was wearing
over his head and offered it to Allegri

6-After AC Milan was fined for racist chants against Neopolitans Allegri thanked the Juve
fans for no racist chants against his players during the game. When asked about Boateng's
position of walking off the field if players receive racist chants Allegri applied "if
every black player on my team walked off the pitch because of racist chants during the
current injuy crisis, i wouldn't have enough players on the bench to replace them all
with" and someone replied "Imagine what the french national team would be like...."

5-After Mexes received a red card Allegri called Galliani and asked "i need Silvestre. is
there anyway I can get a center back of Silvestre's quality? perferrably an ex-inter
player" and Galliani replied "an experienced defender that's big and slow of Silvestre's
quality with preference towards a black and blue player and available on free
transfer..... hmm.......let me see if Lucio or Yepes is still available"

4-Galliani was Furious at the $50,000 fine  given to AC Milan for racist chants against
Neopolitans and replied to the fans in the parking lot " don't you fans realize that you
just killed my entire transfer budget for January!!" and a fan replied "we had a transfer
budget for January?" and Galliani replied "YES! it's a zero dollar transfer budget now I
have to sell to recover that $50,000" and a fan said "good, now you have an excuse to get
rid of all our centerbacks" and Galliani replied "what am i going to do to recover the
remaining $49,999.95 ?? "

3- Galliani commented to the press as saying "Things are certainly not going right, but the same happened last season," with much of the criticsm going to Milan Coach Allegri because it takes him 10 games to get his team going and Cesare Prandelli replied "And Allegri is a candidate for my Job? does the FIGC Realize that there's only 7 games to win the world cup?"

2-The Juventus defense consulted with Conte about how to cover Alessandro Matri and Conte
replied "what do we do with weak strikers again?" and Chiellini repied "leave the assignment of covering them to Bonucci" and Barzagli replied " oh no, you're giving a defensive assignment to Bonucci??" and Bonucci replied " finally an assignment that I don't have to copy off the guy beside me to pass......what are the odds of Matri getting ball posession with Robinho on the field?"

1-Berlusconi was watching the game with Galliani and when they were losing 3-1 he said to
Galliani "I thought we resolved our defensive problems 2 years ago. I gave you 4 million
to replace Thiago Silva where did my money go?" and he replied " I bought Acerbi" and
Berlusconi was Furious and replied "4 MILLION FOR THAT PIECE OF SHIT ACERBI! He's worth
more than the rest of the defense put together" and Galliani replied "I agree, but then
you wonder why we let in 13 goals so far this season...."